I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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