I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
