we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
