I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
