You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
