Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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