I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
