im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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