So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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