You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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