What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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