did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
