I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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