well I can't set my house on fire every night
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
