Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Two words: blizzard sex
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
