Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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