love makes seman taste better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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