I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
