That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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