The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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