girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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