I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
