he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
