she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
