She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize