The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
