dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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