well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
