I accidentally had phone sex last night
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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