i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
