i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
