You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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