i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
