Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
