its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize