I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
