Pants 0. Shit 1.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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