you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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