My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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