You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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