yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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