Whod you bang
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
