And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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