every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
