your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
