Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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