I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize