Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
