so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
