Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
