who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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