First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
