My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
