you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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