If i could tip my vagina, i would.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Even my vagina gasped.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
