Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
