Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
