I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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