Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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