If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
