she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
