You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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