i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
