So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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