totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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