His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
