apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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