..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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