i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
