Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just pee around me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
