I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's like heaven, but drunker
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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