Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
