I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
