but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
