i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
