turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
